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Brittany's Picks, Children, Fantasy

Episode 84: Forest Warrior (1996)

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We’re back at it again this week, and we brought friends!

It was Brittany’s pick this week, and she took us in a real weird direction by choosing the 1996 kid’s fantasy-adventure, Forest Warrior… Starring the one and only, Chuck Norris. And in a rare Second Class Cinema occurence, we had not one, but TWO guests on to discuss this week’s movie. So, welcome our pals Aaron and Tyler back to the show!

Forest Warrior follows a ragtag group of kids who go on a camping trip, only to discover that a greedy lumber tycoon is seeking to illegally deforest their beloved mountain. In a desperate bid to save it, they team up with a mythical, shape-shifting, mountain man (played by Chuck Norris) to take down Thorne by any means possible… Like hijacking their walkie-talkies, hijinx with fishing poles, and calling upon their animal friends for help. Can they defeat Thorne and save the mountain before it’s too late? They can if Chuck Norris’ mullet has anything to say about it!

Listen up as we discuss clapping bears, Chuck Norris breastfeeding a raccoon, and the power of rock & roll!

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Action, Blaxploitation, Erik's Picks

Episode 83: Three the Hard Way (1974)

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Ahoy, Citizens!

We’re back this week with Erik’s pick, 1974’s Blaxploitation/thriller, Three the Hard Way. We aren’t super experienced in the genre, so we figured we’d dive in and see if it tickled our fancy. Results: Some fancies were definitely tickled.

Three the Hard Way follows three friends- Jimmy, Jagger, and Mister Keyes -as they try to foil mass-genocide plotted out by a secret society of white supremacists.

After escaping from a secret compound -in which he was subjected to torturous experiments- Jim’s friend, House, struggles to make his way to safety and alert the world to the atrocities happening there. House tells Jim about the compound, it’s leader (the evil Monroe Feather), and their diabolical plan to wipe out millions of the world’s population, using biological warfare specially designed to target people of color. With the help of his friends Jagger and Mister Keyes, Jim plans to infiltrate the compound and stop the neo-nazis once and for all.

Karate, leather suits, and honkies getting thrown out of moving vehicles… This flick gave us a bunch of stuff to be happy about. BUT, who would we be without a few minor complaints?

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Action, Most Recent, Tom's Picks

Episode 82: Shadow Warriors 2 (1999)

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It was Tom’s pick this week and he is back to his old ways. Plucked directly from the vast DVD library of garbage popped out our pick, the 1999 made for TV action movie Shadow Warriors starring Terry “Hulk” Hogan and Carl Weathers. Or at least that’s what we thought. We invited our good friend Tyler to join us to discuss another movie featuring the Hulkster.

After a bit of research, despite all of the evidence saying otherwise, it was determined that we ACTUALLY viewed Shadow Warriors II: Assault on Death Mountain. Hulk plays the tormented Mike McBride, an ex-military veteran whose skills mesh well with his teammates Roy (Carl Weathers), Hunter (Shannon Tweed) and Derek (Some fella). These Shadow Warriors are sent on a freelance rescue mission to save a young girl from her vindictive father and his team of Austrian thugs.

After the rescue (kidnapping?) mission is over, McBride’s PTSD flashbacks from his military days kick in and he recognizes an enemy from his past who may have come back to haunt him.

Listen up as we discuss goon game, Hulk’s acting chops and busted up kneecaps, Carl Weathers’ bicep and why showing up at terrorist camp in the middle of Saudi Arabia, no matter how hilarious, is usually not a good idea!

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Special guest: Tyler
TylerRules

Action, Bad Movie Sunday, Crime, FUCK YEAH! (Fucking Sweeps)

Episode 81: Geteven (Road to Revenge) (1993)

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We’re on a road… A road… to REVENGE!

Our flick this week was a recommendation from our friends over at Bad Movie Sunday (which Bristol Bad Film Club was kind enough to give us access to), and we cannot thank them enough for it. We were joined by our friend (and first-time guest), Gray, as we viewed and discussed the masterpiece that is Road to Revenge (1993) aka GETEVEN aka Karate Cowboy aka Satanic Panic. Just kidding about those last two… Or are we?

Road to Revenge follows disgraced former police officer (and current limo driver), Rick Bode, as he attempts to take down a Satanic cult- which happens to be headed by his former partner, Normad. Aided by his girlfriend, Cindy (a former cult member), his perpetually drunk best friend, Huck, and a Native American mannequin, Rick sets off to get even.

Armed with nothing more than some leather pants and a song, John De Hart mystifyingly manages to make this vanity project completely entertaining (and bizarrely endearing).
Listen up as we discuss the Shimmy Slide, black-belt poodles, and uncomfortable sex scenes involving ice cubes!

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Bristol Bad Film Club website!
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Yup, we made GIFs!

GETEVEN (Road to Revenge)

Brittany's Picks, Comedy, Horror, Most Recent, Thriller

Episode 80: Housebound (2014)

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Hellooooo Citizens!

We’re officially off that hellish ride through space, and onto bigger and better things. It was Brittany’s turn to pick the flick this week, and feeling as though we deserved to treat ourselves, she selected 2014’s Housebound- a thriller/comedy straight out of New Zealand. Having heard nothing but great things about this movie, it felt a little indulgent… But hey, treat yo’self, amiright?

Housebound follows Kylie, a young delinquent who is sentenced to house arrest under her mother’s care after being arrested for breaking into an ATM. While stuck with her mother and stepfather, Kylie learns some disturbing things about their family home. Like how a teenage girl was murdered there decades ago… Back when their house was used as a mental institution. NBD. As Kylie becomes obsessed with solving the murder, things around the house just get weirder and weirder. Can she solve it before her and her mother become the killer’s next victims?

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Horror, In Space Month, Most Recent, Sci-Fi, Tom's Picks

Episode 79: Jason X (2001)

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This month, we’ve been to space with the Leprechaun, James Bond and Pinhead… So of course we could not say farewell to “In Space” Month without covering 2001’s, Jason X.

A cryogenically frozen Jason Voorhees is discovered in the year 2455 and taken aboard a spacecraft where he is accidentally unfrozen, thereafter wreaking bloody havoc on the passengers until only a few remain. After Hell and Manhattan, the only logical place for him to go was space. This movie introduces us to Über Jason. Take it as you will. But there’s boobs, there’s weird dominatrix robots, there’s Jason… Careening through space.

This movie split the room a bit. How does this movie measure up to the other franchises that brought their films to outer space? How do we feel about this whole space-month thing? How fast can liquid nitrogen turn your face into a snowcone?

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Group/Submission, Horror, In Space Month, Most Recent, Sci-Fi

Episode 78: Hellraiser IV: Bloodline (1996)

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Welcome to a special Saturday edition of Second Class Cinema!

This whole “In Space Month” this is a little harder than initially anticipated. That being said this week we watched Hellraiser IV: Bloodline. Even with Adam Scott having a role in this movie and the prospect of Pinhead being shot with orange lasers couldn’t truly salvage the movie. Our friend and b-movie professional Fallon was kind enough to come on and watch this one with us and then we blamed her for it because we’re all good buddies here. This one prompted an interesting but unanimous rating.

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Special Guest: Fallon

Taffy Twins
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Action, Erik's Picks, In Space Month, Most Recent, Sci-Fi

Episode 77: Moonraker (1979)

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Ahoy!

We’re settling into Space Month nicely here at Second Class Cinema. For the entire month of April we’ll be exploring different film series’ that (bafflingly) decided to take their franchise into outer space. We kicked it off last week with Leprechaun 4: In Space- which, despite it’s fantastically boring title, we somehow expected to be better.

A few months ago, when we watched our first James Bond movie (Never Say Never Again (right click and save)) our good friend, Tyler, joined us. So it was only fitting that he join us again for this week’s viewing of the 1979 Bond flick, Moonraker.

Moonraker follows James Bond on his mostly boring and confusing mission of uncovering what happened to a missing US space shuttle. All evidence leads to Drax Industries, and we follow Bond from Italy, to Rio, to… Somewhere else in Brazil, to OUTER SPACE. Turns out, Hugo Drax wants to poison everyone on Earth and then repopulate it with his own creepy super-race that he’s developing on his stolen space shuttle. He’s like Jim Jones, but with zero charisma and the face of Peter Dinklage and Oliver Platt’s love-child. Try to unsee that, I dare you. CAN BOND STOP HIM IN TIME?! The answer will not surprise you.

As always, the room was split between Bond fans, Erik and Tyler, and Bond newbies, Tom and Brittany- but the rating on this one was unanimous. Listen up as we discuss the hierarchy of Bonds, Roger Moore and his starring mole, and Holly Goodhead’s non-existent emotional range.

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Special guest: Tyler
TylerRules

YOU’RE A LIAR!
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