In case we didn’t mention it before, we are REALLY glad to be back. This episode is the first new one we’ve recorded in SIX YEARS… So please be kind as we attempt to rewind, and remember how to do this goddamn thing.
Second Class Citizens, join us – if you would – on a top secret mission to Russia.
We’re tagging along with Frank Zagarino and Charles Napier this week, to investigate the suspicious transport of nuclear missiles in the 1998 action flick, Armstrong.
When CIA agent Bob Zorkin and his wife, Susan, travel to Russia to investigate the disappearance of nuclear missiles, he runs into old friend and undercover agent Rod Armstrong.
Convening at Zorkin’s apartment to discuss the whereabouts of the missing nukes, they get into a shootout with Russian goons. Armstrong barely escapes, and Zorkin is killed. Now Armstrong and Susan must team up and locate the nukes before the Russians use them.
Can they get justice for Bob, AND stop the Russians before doomsday?
Tune in to this week’s episode to hear us discuss that and other far less relevant topics like wet tshirts, ponytails, and why Charles Napier was so goddamn sweaty in this movie.
Merry Christmas, gentlefolk!
We’re deep in the holiday spirit here at Second Class Cinema, and Tom’s pick for the week says it all. We watched yet another weird Canadian animated Christmas film, Grandma Got Run Over by a Reindeer.
This film covers the age-old Christmas tropes of greed, capitalism and hit and runs. No one in the Spankenheimer family believes Jake, when on Christmas eve, he tells them that he saw Grandma get run over by Santa’s sleigh. Nine months pass, with no word from Grandma, and surprisingly no one seems to give a shit. That is, until Jake’s gold-digging cousin Mel tricks Grampa into signing over the family store, which Mel intends to sell to the CEO of a giant corporation. Jake realizes it’s up to him to email Santa and venture to the North Pole to bring back Grandma, in one last attempt to save the family business.
This movie makes some interesting creative choices, to say the least. Listen up as we discuss Grampa’s senility, Santa’s secret dungeon, and how Grandma is likely a young, hot, were-reindeer. Merry Christmas!
Tom picked the flick this week, and he thought the premise of a women’s baseball team lost in the woods with deranged killers sounded like a real home run (I’m sorry)… Our friend Aaron stopped by the studio to help us dissect this bloody baseball debacle.
When a group of drunken rednecks lose a baseball game to a traveling team of buxom babes, they are incensed, but get over it rather quickly. That is all short-lived however, when one of their own, Mino, tries to stiff the baseball coach out of $1000 he owes him over a bet on the game. Things escalate quickly, resulting in the accidental death of Mino’s son, Roy. Mino resorts to full-on Vietnam flashback mode, calling for the girls deaths, and offering $1000 per head. The race is on, can Babe and the Ball Girls escape this hillbilly nightmare unscathed, or are they all doomed to die in the woods?
In this episode we discuss our satisfaction with the death scenes, ponder the inexplicable decision made by Mino to pay $9,000 for 9 dead women instead of the paltry $1K he originally owed, and we cover just a ton of straight up grab-ass.
Unfortunately, this was not quite the splatter-fest we were hoping to grace you all with for October. But how did it measure up in every other regard?
If there’s anything we love more than a buddy-cop flick, it’s a movie where one partner dies, triggering the other’s epic quest for revenge. Which is precisely why Tom picked 1989’s One Man Force- starring ex-football star, John Matuszak. Also, fresh off being banned from the show for many, many months after making us watch Holy Mountain, our pal Jim is back to discuss this with us.
After a gang of drug-dealers murders his partner, LA cop Jake Swan goes rogue in his bloody quest for revenge. After being kicked off the force, Jake becomes a private investigator and methodically tracks down every slimeball that had a hand in his partners death. Jake slowly works his way up the ranks, culminating in the ultimate showdown, and proving you can trust no one!
Join us as we dissect this movie- we discuss the film’s plentiful but weak goon-game, it’s vague storytelling method, and we have an inordinately long, nonsensical debate about chain restaurants. Enjoy!
As some of you know, it’s been a rough month here at SCC… but after all the roadtrips, mountain-climbing, and hospital stays (not in that order), we are back and ready for action. We missed bad movies, and we missed every gosh damn one of you!
Tom picked the movie this week, and we watched the 1990 action flick, Killing American Style- directed by the one and only Amir Shervan. Tyler stopped by to watch this one with us- making it the third Shervan film we’ve covered on the show, and the second that Tyler has joined us for.
Killing American Style stars Robert Z’Dar as hardened criminal, Tony Stone, who -along with his partner, John Lynch- are on their way to prison for a failed heist. When Stone’s brother is shot in the process of helping them escape, they force their way into a nearby home and wait for help. The only problem is that the house belongs to all-American bad-ass/80s fashion victim, John Morgan. Morgan comes out strong but essentially becomes their errand boy for the entire movie, until finally he gets fed up and decides to unleash some good ol’ fashioned American whoop-ass on everyone! Hurray!
We discuss the obvious parallels between this and Shervan’s other films, including his bizarre perspective on American culture. We also discuss watermelon etiquette, bizarre set “design”, and lack of a solid goon game in this flick. We’re back!
It was Tom’s pick this week and he is back to his old ways. Plucked directly from the vast DVD library of garbage popped out our pick, the 1999 made for TV action movie Shadow Warriors starring Terry “Hulk” Hogan and Carl Weathers. Or at least that’s what we thought. We invited our good friend Tyler to join us to discuss another movie featuring the Hulkster.
After a bit of research, despite all of the evidence saying otherwise, it was determined that we ACTUALLY viewed Shadow Warriors II: Assault on Death Mountain. Hulk plays the tormented Mike McBride, an ex-military veteran whose skills mesh well with his teammates Roy (Carl Weathers), Hunter (Shannon Tweed) and Derek (Some fella). These Shadow Warriors are sent on a freelance rescue mission to save a young girl from her vindictive father and his team of Austrian thugs.
After the rescue (kidnapping?) mission is over, McBride’s PTSD flashbacks from his military days kick in and he recognizes an enemy from his past who may have come back to haunt him.
Listen up as we discuss goon game, Hulk’s acting chops and busted up kneecaps, Carl Weathers’ bicep and why showing up at terrorist camp in the middle of Saudi Arabia, no matter how hilarious, is usually not a good idea!
This month, we’ve been to space with the Leprechaun, James Bond and Pinhead… So of course we could not say farewell to “In Space” Month without covering 2001’s, Jason X.
A cryogenically frozen Jason Voorhees is discovered in the year 2455 and taken aboard a spacecraft where he is accidentally unfrozen, thereafter wreaking bloody havoc on the passengers until only a few remain. After Hell and Manhattan, the only logical place for him to go was space. This movie introduces us to Über Jason. Take it as you will. But there’s boobs, there’s weird dominatrix robots, there’s Jason… Careening through space.
This movie split the room a bit. How does this movie measure up to the other franchises that brought their films to outer space? How do we feel about this whole space-month thing? How fast can liquid nitrogen turn your face into a snowcone?
It was Tom’s pick this week and he used a bit of outside influence for his selection. The movie is 1991’s martial art, action, comedy Breathing Fire. Tom was merely a bystander on twitter when the The Bristol Bad Film Club (@TheOtherBBFC) tagged him in an image that Crap Film Clun (@CrapFilmClub) posted. About 5 minutes later Tom was sitting anxiously at his doorstep waiting for his newest eBay purchase to arrive. After it’s arrival, and with little to no expectation of the movie, it was put it on the television and allowed it into the hearts of Second Class Cinema. Tyler came on to watch this movie with us and as he states in this episode, this movie changed his life.
Special guest: Tyler
Can I get a pepperoni pizza but with no sauce or cheese? Oh also can you replace the pepperoni’s with 2 giant keys? That’s fine I’ll pay more.