We’re back this week with Erik’s pick, 1974’s Blaxploitation/thriller, Three the Hard Way. We aren’t super experienced in the genre, so we figured we’d dive in and see if it tickled our fancy. Results: Some fancies were definitely tickled.
Three the Hard Way follows three friends- Jimmy, Jagger, and Mister Keyes -as they try to foil mass-genocide plotted out by a secret society of white supremacists.
After escaping from a secret compound -in which he was subjected to torturous experiments- Jim’s friend, House, struggles to make his way to safety and alert the world to the atrocities happening there. House tells Jim about the compound, it’s leader (the evil Monroe Feather), and their diabolical plan to wipe out millions of the world’s population, using biological warfare specially designed to target people of color. With the help of his friends Jagger and Mister Keyes, Jim plans to infiltrate the compound and stop the neo-nazis once and for all.
Karate, leather suits, and honkies getting thrown out of moving vehicles… This flick gave us a bunch of stuff to be happy about. BUT, who would we be without a few minor complaints?
It was Tom’s pick this week and he is back to his old ways. Plucked directly from the vast DVD library of garbage popped out our pick, the 1999 made for TV action movie Shadow Warriors starring Terry “Hulk” Hogan and Carl Weathers. Or at least that’s what we thought. We invited our good friend Tyler to join us to discuss another movie featuring the Hulkster.
After a bit of research, despite all of the evidence saying otherwise, it was determined that we ACTUALLY viewed Shadow Warriors II: Assault on Death Mountain. Hulk plays the tormented Mike McBride, an ex-military veteran whose skills mesh well with his teammates Roy (Carl Weathers), Hunter (Shannon Tweed) and Derek (Some fella). These Shadow Warriors are sent on a freelance rescue mission to save a young girl from her vindictive father and his team of Austrian thugs.
After the rescue (kidnapping?) mission is over, McBride’s PTSD flashbacks from his military days kick in and he recognizes an enemy from his past who may have come back to haunt him.
Listen up as we discuss goon game, Hulk’s acting chops and busted up kneecaps, Carl Weathers’ bicep and why showing up at terrorist camp in the middle of Saudi Arabia, no matter how hilarious, is usually not a good idea!
Our flick this week was a recommendation from our friends over at Bad Movie Sunday (which Bristol Bad Film Club was kind enough to give us access to), and we cannot thank them enough for it. We were joined by our friend (and first-time guest), Gray, as we viewed and discussed the masterpiece that is Road to Revenge (1993) aka GETEVEN aka Karate Cowboy aka Satanic Panic. Just kidding about those last two… Or are we?
Road to Revenge follows disgraced former police officer (and current limo driver), Rick Bode, as he attempts to take down a Satanic cult- which happens to be headed by his former partner, Normad. Aided by his girlfriend, Cindy (a former cult member), his perpetually drunk best friend, Huck, and a Native American mannequin, Rick sets off to get even.
Armed with nothing more than some leather pants and a song, John De Hart mystifyingly manages to make this vanity project completely entertaining (and bizarrely endearing).
Listen up as we discuss the Shimmy Slide, black-belt poodles, and uncomfortable sex scenes involving ice cubes!
We’re settling into Space Month nicely here at Second Class Cinema. For the entire month of April we’ll be exploring different film series’ that (bafflingly) decided to take their franchise into outer space. We kicked it off last week with Leprechaun 4: In Space- which, despite it’s fantastically boring title, we somehow expected to be better.
A few months ago, when we watched our first James Bond movie (Never Say Never Again (right click and save)) our good friend, Tyler, joined us. So it was only fitting that he join us again for this week’s viewing of the 1979 Bond flick, Moonraker.
Moonraker follows James Bond on his mostly boring and confusing mission of uncovering what happened to a missing US space shuttle. All evidence leads to Drax Industries, and we follow Bond from Italy, to Rio, to… Somewhere else in Brazil, to OUTER SPACE. Turns out, Hugo Drax wants to poison everyone on Earth and then repopulate it with his own creepy super-race that he’s developing on his stolen space shuttle. He’s like Jim Jones, but with zero charisma and the face of Peter Dinklage and Oliver Platt’s love-child. Try to unsee that, I dare you. CAN BOND STOP HIM IN TIME?! The answer will not surprise you.
As always, the room was split between Bond fans, Erik and Tyler, and Bond newbies, Tom and Brittany- but the rating on this one was unanimous. Listen up as we discuss the hierarchy of Bonds, Roger Moore and his starring mole, and Holly Goodhead’s non-existent emotional range.
It was Tom’s pick this week and he used a bit of outside influence for his selection. The movie is 1991’s martial art, action, comedy Breathing Fire. Tom was merely a bystander on twitter when the The Bristol Bad Film Club (@TheOtherBBFC) tagged him in an image that Crap Film Clun (@CrapFilmClub) posted. About 5 minutes later Tom was sitting anxiously at his doorstep waiting for his newest eBay purchase to arrive. After it’s arrival, and with little to no expectation of the movie, it was put it on the television and allowed it into the hearts of Second Class Cinema. Tyler came on to watch this movie with us and as he states in this episode, this movie changed his life.
Special guest: Tyler
Can I get a pepperoni pizza but with no sauce or cheese? Oh also can you replace the pepperoni’s with 2 giant keys? That’s fine I’ll pay more.
This week on Second Class Cinema we watched a film recommended to us by the fine folks over at Bad Movie Sunday! We had the pleasure(?) of viewing 1982’s “superhero”/mercenary oddity, Megaforce.
When the peaceful country of Sardun finds itself at odds with their neighboring country of Gamibia, they have no way to defend themselves from an impending invasion- or even war. Enter Megaforce: a secret mercenary company comprised of soldiers from all over the world, headed by Commander Ace Hunter (a flamboyant, gold-spandex-clad Barry Bostwick). Sardun sends one of their military leaders, Major Zara, to request Megaforce’s assistance in crushing their opponent, Gamibia- which just happens to be led by Hunter’s old military pal, Duke Gurerra.
The stakes are… Surprisingly low… as Megaforce uses holographs, spandex, and flying motorcycles to bring Gamibia to heel.
We had some fun watching this one, although, it was difficult to figure out who the target audience for this film was. Listen up as we discuss awesome pyrotechnics, awesomely bad rear-projection scenes, and a grotesquely sappy thumb-kiss that no one should ever be subjected to. Ever.
Thanks to our pals at Bad Movie Sunday for recommending this flick.
So the only place we could find to embed this trailer was the New York Times? Sorry about the ad.
WARNING: This episode was conducted by 4 inebriated individuals who drank tequila playing their favorite game, Garbage Day Jeopardy. If you’d like to know the rules to Garbage Day Jeopardy, please message us so you can understand the state we are in.
On this week’s episode, we allowed Aaron to bring a movie on for us to watch! So he went on eBay and purchased Deathstalker IV: Match of the Titans on VHS for $24.99. And then he brought it over for us to watch. Head the warning and apologies if this is your first listen to us.
This week on SCC we are celebrating the birthday of our very own Erik. What a joy.
And what better way to celebrate a birthday, than to watch a movie in which Gene Simmons stars as a hermaphroditic, lounge-singing super villain! It was Erik’s pick this week, and he picked the 1986 action flick, Never Too Young To Die, starring John Stamos, Gene Simmons, and Vanity (RIP, as of today, oddly enough).
This flick follows Lance Stargrove as he transitions from meek college gymnast, to full-blown action hero in just over 90 minutes. Lance’s father is killed while on a super secret mission to stop the ruthless Ragnar from poisoning the cities water supply, leaving Lance no choice but to complete the mission. With the help of fellow agent, Danja – and the occasional wacky gagdet from his college friend, Cliff- Lance sets off to stop Ragnar once and for all.
This movie is a veritable trove of so many things you never knew you needed. John Stamos cocking a shotgun? Check. Gene Simmons gyrating in a bustier? Check. Defective rocket-launchers, Gene and John on the verge of making out, sexually repressed fruit-eating? Check, check, check! Listen up!